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Zoey Pierson

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Zoey Pierson
Portrayed by:
First appearance:
Last appearance:
New York, NY
Ted (ex-boyfriend), The Captain (ex-husband)
Gallery of Zoey Pierson images (31)

Zoey Pierson is George Van Smoot's ex-wife and Ted Mosby's ex girlfriend/ former enemy.

Character History Edit

Season 6Edit

Zoey is an activist for the issues she believes are important. She had previously chained herself to a 100-year-old redwood stone, stolen a police horse at an anti-war rally, set a car on fire after the Guns 'n Roses 2009 concert, and stolen a whole van of white rabbits from a beauty company. However, she became a nuisance to Ted as a protestor against the destruction of The Arcadian, an old hotel in NYC which would be torn down to be replaced by the new Goliath National Bank office headquarters of Ted's design.

Ted expresses interest in her at first and finds himself in a dilemma between work and love, which is increased when Barney has a poster of Ted placed on the façade of the Arcadian. This turns Zoey against Ted, and she puts him in her crosshairs. He tries to make ends meet by integrating the old façade into the new GNB headquarters, but when he shows her the design, he finds out that she is married. Realizing that his efforts were for Zoey rather than the Arcadian, he scraps his new design and reverts to the old ones, bringing his relationship with Zoey to hatred once more. (Architect of Destruction)

To frustrate Ted further, Zoey enrolls in Ted's architecture class and lures all of his students to protest in favor of the preservation of the Arcadian, turning them against him. Ted loses control of his students to the degree that they don't even show up for class one day, but he regains control when he threatens to give an F to all who don't show up in class next day. (Canning Randy)

Shortly after, at the autumn spectacular at the NYC Museum of National History, Ted runs into Zoey again, and her husband, George Van Smoot, also known as The Captain. Unlike Zoey, the Captain likes Ted and invites him on his boat. While at the spectacular, Zoey manages to manipulate Ted into saying that he dislikes GNB and their plans to scrap the Arcadian on tape. But The Captain finds out everything and offers Ted to find the tape and erase it, knowing how Zoey's temper tantrums can get in the way of people who are trying to do their jobs. Ted refuses, unaware that Zoey can overhear their conversation from the other side of the hall. She finds Ted and explains that she erased the tape (although it is later revealed in Landmarks that this was a lie), but will still be keeping him in her crosshairs starting on Monday. The two end up dancing. (Natural History)

Ted's FriendEdit

On the night before Thanksgiving, the gang (minus Ted) spot her in MacLaren's Pub, and they recognize her as Ted's enemy. However, she spends time with them, and by the end of the night they all grow to like her. She invites them all to spend Thanksgiving with her, and while the rest of the gang enjoy her company, she and Ted continue to argue and insult one another. Eventually, she kicks them all out of her apartment once Ted compares her to Cinderella's evil step-mother. However, when Ted realizes that she is an actual step-mother, and that her step-daughter hates her, Ted comes back and apologizes about his earlier remark. The two finally become friends, and they all share Thanksgiving together. (Blitzgiving)


Due to their recent friendship and similar interests, she and Ted start spending a lot more time together. When they spend time alone at an art gallery, her husband calls. Zoey lies and tells him she's out with friends, instead of with Ted. When Ted asks her about it, she explains that her husband tends to get jealous when he's away. To try and make things better, Ted decides to spend time with Zoey and The Captain together on their boat, but at the last minute Zoey gets sick and cancels. Although it's just the two of them, Ted and The Captain become good friends.

Zoey later admits that she faked being sick, in the hopes that Ted and The Captain would become friends. Ted mentions his concern that the two of them spending time together doesn't cross any lines, and that if either of them develops feelings for the other, they should stop hanging out. Zoey agrees, and they both deny that they have feelings for one another. However, it's hinted that this will not always be the case, as the Mermaid Clock begins to count down (the hypothetical countdown to the moment when you realize you want to sleep with someone). (The Mermaid Theory)

Ted's GirlfriendEdit

Oh Honey 7
Soon after Marshall's father dies, Ted begins to realize his feelings for Zoey. He tells her they cannot be friends anymore, so as not to complicate her relationship with The Captain. She asks him why they can't be friends, and he replies that Lily hated her. Lily told Zoey that Robin hated her, and Robin said that Marshall hated Zoey. Honey calls Marshall to get in contact with Barney, and is tricked into revealing Zoey's secret: Zoey and George were getting a divorce and Zoey was in love with Ted. Marshall calls both Ted and Zoey, telling both of them how they felt about each other, and they get together. (Oh Honey)

Ted had always remained cautious around Zoey because she was married. After learning about the divorce and her mutual feelings for him, it seemed safe to make a move. He told people the story about how she had fought with The Captain and then came to Ted after leaving him. However, he learned from The Captain (who didn't yet know it was Ted who Zoey was now seeing) that she had in fact left him for another man. After confronting Zoey, he learned this was true. Despite his attempts to be respectful and keep his distance, he was still the "bad guy". (Garbage Island)

Landmarks 6

While they're dating, Ted finds that his relationship with Zoey becomes increasingly strained because they constantly argue about everything. Despite their attempts to avoid talking about the Arcadian, Ted expresses his anger and frustration that Zoey will not support his dream to build a new skyscraper in New York City despite the fact he has acknowledged her reasons for wanting to save the Arcadian. When Ted realizes that he cannot have both Zoey and his dream of building a skyscraper, he chooses his dream over Zoey, who breaks up with him for refusing to save the Arcadian.

Several months later, Ted runs into her. She tells Ted that she is still unemployed and had to get a couple of roommates who sell drugs. She tries to convince Ted that they should get back together. The two arrange a meeting but in the last moment Robin and Barney convince Ted not to make the same mistake and date Zoey again. (Challenge Accepted)


  • Spouse: George Van Smoot (divorced)
  • Mother: Unnamed mother
  • Sister(s): 2 Unnamed sisters
  • Daughter(s): Hanna Van Smoot (former step-daughter)
  • Cousin(s): Honey

Episode AppearancesEdit

  1. Architect of Destruction
  2. Canning Randy
  3. Natural History
  4. Blitzgiving
  5. The Mermaid Theory
  6. Oh Honey
  7. Desperation Day
  8. Garbage Island
  9. The Exploding Meatball Sub
  10. The Perfect Cocktail
  11. Landmarks
  12. Challenge Accepted
  13. Gary Blauman

Notes and TriviaEdit

  • She speaks a little bit of portuguese.
  • In Blitzgiving, it is revealed that Zoey lives in the Ansonia on West 73rd street.
  • Zoey seems to always to carry a recorder to either remind herself of certain things or to record a conversation so she can use it against people.
  • During a flash-forward to the year 2021 in Garbage Island, Ted encounters Wendy the Waitress while stuck in an airport in Hong Kong. In this conversation, Wendy inquires if Ted is still in a relationship with Zoey to which he replies, "No! Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, because now I'm married to this amazing girl and we have two kids".
  • Zoey hits both of Robin's list being the best and worst choice to marry Ted
  • Zoey often wears many different hats, a fact referenced by Robin in The Magician's Code - Part Two.
  • According to a survey amongst How I Met Your Mother viewers, Zoey is Ted's most disliked girlfriend.[1]

Character Quotes:

"How I Met Your Mother: Natural History (#6.8)" (2010) Edit

Ted Mosby: If I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on Fifth Ave are closed.  Zoey Pierson: You're going down.  Ted Mosby: Down where? To the yacht club? I'd love to, but wait I'm half Jewish, is that going to be a problem? 

Zoey Pierson: Ted, this is my husband.  Ted Mosby: So Captain, how did you get that name?  The Captain: I gave it to myself. A real man chooses his real name.  Ted Mosby: Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. I'm Galactic President Superstar MacAwesomeville. 

Zoey Pierson: My life isn't perfect.  [Zoey begins to cryZoey Pierson: I got married at 22 to a man who calls himself "The Captain". I hate boats, Ted. I do, I hate them. I can't be on them, I can't be near them, I can't even think about them without getting seasick. You want to know why I want to save that building? Because when I look up at the Arcadian, I see something big, and solid, and right now everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat. I know it's crazy to care that much about a building...  Ted Mosby: It's not crazy at all, I'm the same way. Look, Zoey, the Arcadian should be a landmark, it should. The lion-head stonework is iconic. I hate that we have to tear it down, I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of wieners and gonads.  Zoey Pierson: Ted, that was... really easy.  [Pulls out a voice recorderZoey Pierson: This should be useful.  Ted Mosby: You tricked me! 

"How I Met Your Mother: Blitzgiving (#6.10)" (2010) Edit

Zoey Pierson: Barney was here? I was walking around half naked.  Barney Stinson: Aw Man! Wait which half? 

Marshall Eriksen: The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold.  Zoey Pierson: Yeah, it's not like Ted's integrity.  Ted Mosby: Oh, what was that? I was distracted by the four-karat diamond your 53-year-old husband bought you.  Steve Henry: Facial!  Ted Mosby: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turturkeykey to baste.  Zoey Pierson: I'm coming with you.  Ted Mosby: No! I baste alone.  Zoey Pierson: Oh, I'm sure you're a master baster, Ted.  Steve Henry: Word play. Loving it!  Zoey Pierson: But relax. I've got a ton of sides to heat up since my plans fell through.  Ted Mosby: Who canceled? Your coven?  Steve Henry: Coven, group of witches! Boom!  Zoey Pierson: Yeah, they were worn out from putting that spell on your hair!  Steve Henry: Oh! Serve returned!  Ted Mosby: Are you happy? You're ruining Thanksgiving!  Zoey Pierson: Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either!  Steve Henry: God, I'm so happy to be here. My face hurts from smiling! 

"How I Met Your Mother: Challenge Accepted (#6.24)" (2011) Edit

Zoey Pierson: Hey, you wanna get coffee some time?  Robin Scherbatsky: You know that "coffee" is a code for I want to get back together, right ?  Ted Mosby: At first I wasn't sure, but then she said something that got me thinking.  Zoey Pierson: I wanna get back together. 

"How I Met Your Mother: Garbage Island (#6.17)" (2011) Edit

The Captain: [At his study, The Captain talks to Ted about Zoey leaving him for another man] Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy, blissful as Arcadian shepherds. I was Poseidon, she my Amphitrite. I dare say, not even Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. We had great big boners for each other! But then, enter the scoundrel.  [imagines scene of Zoey watching horror movie with half-naked thick moustached version of TedZoey Pierson: Oh man, this movie is scary.  Ted Mosby: [Scoundrel Ted] I know, right?  The Captain: [Back in reality] I don't know who he is, but I pictured him with a mustache.  Ted Mosby: Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart.  The Captain: Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. She told me she was in love with someone else. Obviously, it made me angry.  Ted Mosby: And the, that was the last time you saw her...  The Captain: ...but I gathered my composure and told her I'd do anything to keep her. I begged her not to leave. We made love that night...  Ted Mosby: [spits out drink] It's damned good brandy. 

"How I Met Your Mother: The Exploding Meatball Sub (#6.20)" (2011) Edit

Ted Mosby: Why would you do that?  Zoey Pierson: I thought you'd like it?  Ted Mosby: Who likes that?  Zoey Pierson: I like it! 

"How I Met Your Mother: Desperation Day (#6.16)" (2011) Edit

Ted Mosby: They're actually called British Morning Socks.  Zoey Pierson: Don't get in your own way! 

"How I Met Your Mother: Architect of Destruction (#6.5)" (2010) Edit

Ted Mosby: This wouldn't work. Zoey, the Arcadian was really great building once, but it's falling apart and full of snakes.  Zoey Pierson: Snakes?  Ted Mosby: I don't recall snakes, thanks

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