This is the eighty-fifth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive Here.
This entry is in response to the episode The Stinsons.
Casting Couch[]
March 2, 2009
"Whether you’re hiding from the IRS, working as a spy, or pretending you’re a married man to please your mother, every now and again you’ll find it necessary to create an alternate life. And while you can get alarmingly far with just a bogus social security number, a doctored passport, and a set of Groucho Marx glasses, eventually you’ll need to produce a human being to corroborate your story. That’s when you’ll need an actor.
“But Barney, actors are whiny and self-centered.” True, but they’re also
professional liars and –- as an added bonus –- very, very hot.
“How do I go about hiring these masters of deceit?” You’ll need to generate a character description and post it with a casting service or local newspaper. Before you complain about all that work, remember: You’ll be rewarded with hundreds of pictures of hot strangers sent right to your home...free.
Below are some notices I sent out recently when trying to cast a fake family so that my mother would love me. Enjoy!
CASTING CALL!
Role: BETTY STINSON. Fortuitous wife of Barney Stinson. Despite birthing a son has not lost her figure. In fact, might look better than she used to.
Project: “The Stinsons.” A living theater experiment in which we fool my mother into thinking I have a wife and son. Intermittent gigs over the next twenty years.
Director: Barney Stinson – the visionary web-cam auteur who brought you such raw classics as “Jessica: February 1st, 2009 -– Met at MacLaren’s Last Call” and “Tina: September 13, 2006 -– New Mail Room Girl at Work.”
Pay: Scale.
Seeking: Female, 18 – 29, energetic, extremely attractive. Like, at least a 9.
Skills:
- -- Hot -- like, at least a 9
- -- Must provide own swim suits, négligés...whatever “sexy outfits” a married women might have
- -- Willingness to perform own stunts
- -- Breathtaking breasts
- -- Willing to do anything for the scene
- -- Great in bed
Notes:
- -- May require nudity
- -- Great first-time role: I know, like, a ton of important Hollywood people
Please send headshots, resumes, and other pictures to Barneystinson@yahoo.com
CASTING CALL!
Role: TYLER STINSON. A young boy with the greatest father ever.
Project: “The Stinsons.” A living theater experiment in which we fool my mother into thinking I have a wife and son. Intermittent gigs over the next twenty years.
Director: Barney Stinson – the visionary cell-phone camera auteur who brought you the cell phone video classics “Ted Gets Hit in the Junk” and “Ted Gets Hit in the Junk 2: Revenge of the Stool.”
Pay: $50/day. Some meals.
Seeking: Male, can play 6 – 8 years old, preferably blonde and chiseled. Must have spectacular depth of facial expression, and an all around sense of awesomeness.
Skills:
- -- Familiar with the Stanislavski System of Acting
- -- Background in improv preferred
- -- Must be able to do your own makeup and hair and provide own wardrobe – welltailored suits a plus, or, barring that, something not off the rack
- -- Stage combat
- -- Willing to do anything for the scene
- -- Hot moms encouraged
Notes:
- -- Actors should come with a prepared monologue about how awesome their dad is
- -- Moms come dressed to move
Please send headshots and resumes to Barneystinson@yahoo.com
Notes and Trivia[]
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