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Fake History Lesson

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Fake history lessons are used by Barney Stinson to prove his point and sometimes ends with the phrase "True Story". Sometimes the gang, especially Ted try to stop him but fails as Barney goes on, which his friends don't really mind as they enjoy hearing the lessons almost as much as Barney likes teaching them.

Episodes

Sweet Taste of Liberty

When Ted is reluctant to cooperate with Barney's plan to pick up women at the airport by putting bags on a carousel, Barney begins telling "a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel": "Since the dawn of time, man has struggled..." Ted quickly puts the bags on the carousel to stop Barney from talking.

The Goat

When Barney explains the history of the Bro Code in year 1776 in Philadelphia, where Benjamin Franklin and George Washington were having a drink where they fought for a girl. They came to a conclusion that a set of rules for bros called the Bro Code will be made and written by Barnebus Stinson (the Barney of that era). Barney did not say "True Story" for this story.

The Three Days Rule

Barney claims that Jesus invented the three days rule before calling a girl after getting her number by waiting three days between his death and resurrection, after which he invented the high five.

Perfect Week

Barney tells imaginary Jim Nantz that "Mustache Pete Drexel" in 1896 is the only person to have achieved a perfect week sexually and a perfect game in baseball.

===Ted is at MacLaren's telling the gang about this woman, Tiffany. She says she's really into him, but can't be with him "right now." The gang sees through her ruse, telling Ted that he's been "hooked," a euphemism for stringing someone along until they meet someone better.

Everyone has an example: Marshall did a high school classmate's homework and was her "secret boyfriend", Robin allows her pre-morning show cameraman to pamper her, and Lily's high school flame, Scooter (David Burtka), works at her school as cafeteria staff, where she doesn't exactly tell him that a romantic relationship is impossible.

Ted refuses to believe that he has been hooked, and continues waiting for Tiffany. When she shows up to the bar with her co-workers, Barney is excited to see that she and all her friends are pharmaceutical representatives, which he calls the "hot-chick" profession of their generation (like the nurse or stewardess was in the past).

All the while, Ted himself has "hooked" Henrietta, a librarian from Columbia. Henrietta treats Ted just like he treats Tiffany, even assembling an elegant dinner when he drops by. Ted is just as dismissive of Henrietta as Tiffany is of him. Ted is invited to go to a wedding with Tiffany, which he sees as a sign of commitment, so he meets her in the room with champagne. However she enters with the best man, the guy who has "hooked" her. Ted leaves, intent on making sure Henrietta doesn't feel the same heartbreak.

Unfortunately, he took the best man's jacket by accident, which had the wedding ring inside. Bending over at Henrietta's door to tie his shoes, the ring falls out, and Henrietta opens the door to see Ted down on his knee, in a tuxedo, with a ring in his hand. She says yes, and introduces him to her visiting parents. Ted explains what has happened and that they will never be together.

Meanwhile, Marshall tries to get Lily to let Scooter know she is never going to be with him, but she is immobilized by Scooter's puppy-dog eyes. Marshall uses Barney's teacup pig (in a cute blanket) to train Lily to resist Scooter. Eventually, it works, and the two head down to the cafeteria, but even though Lily is able to tell Scooter it will never happen, Marshall himself can't resist Scooter's charm, telling him to just wait until he is dead.=== Barney explains how the "hottest profession of the time" changed throughout history.

Big Days

Barney tells Ted about the importance of Dibs, saying that it was created by Sir Walter Dibs. He began the explanation with, "the S.S. Dibs was lost at sea-" but is interrupted by Ted.

Last Words

When the gang is talking about last words, Barney said Nathan Hale's last words was "I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country." but his real last words were "I peed in my pants."

Desperation Day

Barney explains Desperation Day as the day before Valentines Day where every woman wants a date on Valentines Day and would try desperately to find one before that, hence Desperation Day. Barney says that if you don't want a date on Valentines Day you have to get home alone by 11.59pm. Barney uses ancient Rome as reference where weddings are forbidden and Saint Valentine performed them in secret under threat of death  which Ted says is true what Barney is going to say next won't be. Barney says that beside Saint Valentine was Saint Desperatius there to pick up insecure bridesmaids.

Landmarks

John Clifford Larrabee, architect of The Arcadian, visits Ted in a dream. Ted thinks that Barney has rented a costume and broken into his apartment in the middle of night "for what I wish I could say was the first time", before learning to his surprise that it is not a fake history lesson.

The Broath

Barney states that a broken Broath dates back to Ancient Bro-man Times where Brotus swore a Broath with Ceasar that he would tell him if a group of people were conspiring to assasinate him. Just after the Broath was made a group of ninjas came out and try to kill Ceasar who beats them up and killed Brotus for betraying him. Barney says in the end that after that he banged a hundred chicks and invented a salad.

Rally

Barney made a story about his Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir which was ripped off by Franklin D. Roosevelt's  Manhattan Project which was run by Docter Robert Oppenheimer . He said the "Too Many Manhattans Project" run by Barnert Stinsonheimer made a few failures before resulting into a successful elixir that can cure hangovers with ingredients including Tantrum and funyuns. The project was a success it was awarded the Brobel Prize. During the story-telling Barney keeps messing with Ted by shouting at his ear while he has a hangover.


Barney Stinson vte
Friends & Family Robin ScherbatskyTed MosbyMarshall EriksenLily AldrinLeslieLoretta StinsonJames StinsonEli StinsonSadie StinsonTomSam GibbsJerome WhittakerCheryl WhittakerJ.J. WhittakerCarly WhittakerEllie Stinson
Places MacLaren's PubBarney's apartmentGoliath National BankAltruCell CorporationLusty LeopardLaser TagStinson housePuzzles
Phrases AwesomeSuit UpLegendaryHave you metTrue StoryWait for itChallenge AcceptedWhat UpPatent PendingThat's The DreamJust... O.K.?Stinson OutSelf fiveP.L.E.A.S.E.
Others Barney's Blog83Barney's magicBarney's WeddingHigh FivesThe Bro CodeThe Playbook (book)The Threeway BeltDucky Tie (object)The Eight SlapsNothing Suits Me Like a SuitTuxedo NightBarney's Get Psyched MixParty School BingoPlatinum RuleLemon LawHot/Crazy ScaleThe Mermaid Theory (theory)Freeway TheoryThe Chain of Screaming (theory)The Ewok LineIntervention bannerThe International Date LineFive WordsFake History LessonBarney's Guys

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