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ā€œColumnsā€
HIMYM episode 2x13 (35)
Columns - Ted and Hammond
First aired:
January 22, 2007
Director:
Rob Greenberg
Writer:
Matt Kuhn
Barney's Blog

Images (6)

Ted struggles to fire an employee. Meanwhile, Barney and Robin find an old nude portrait of Marshall that Lily painted, which prompts Barney to hire Lily to paint him.


Recap[]

Ted decides to fire his former boss, Hammond Druthers, who is always ridiculing his ideas for the building. The first time Ted tries to fire him, he is stopped when his coworkers throw a surprise birthday party for Druthers. When Ted comes to his office later that night, he finds Druthers sleeping in the office since his wife threw him out. Ted tries to fire him again but ends up taking Druthers to the apartment, letting him sleep on the couch.

Next day, Druthers thanks Ted for letting him stay with him, but still ridicules his ideas in front of others. When Ted tries to fire Druthers the third time, he gets divorce papers from his wife, also telling him that their dog died. When Ted tries to fire him anyways, a few coworkers approach them and shout "Happy Birthday" to Druthers since they missed the previous party as they were in Montreal. Just then Druthers appears to be suffering from a heart attack, but thinking that he is faking it, Ted fires him anyways. Afterwards, Ted's coworkers start to hate him when it turns out that Druthers really did have a heart attack. Later, Ted gets a margarita machine for the office, and everyone forgives him.

Barney finds a nude painting of Marshall at the apartment, and shows it to Ted and Robin. When they show it to Marshall and Lily, Future Ted explains that Lily painted it back at Wesleyan, because Marshall was uncomfortable with Lily painting another guy naked for her art class. To annoy Marshall, Barney hangs the painting at MacLaren's, but Marshall steals it later on.

At the bar, when Lily and Barney are alone, Barney praises Lily's work, and asks her to paint him nude for $5,000. Lily tells him she will think about it and discusses it with Marshall, saying that they will be able to spend their honeymoon in Scotland, near the Loch Ness Monster. Marshall agrees, but later stops Lily when she is painting Barney. He tells her privately that they could stay in a castle for another $2,000, so he pretends that he doesn't want Lily to paint Barney, in order to get more money out of him. Barney offers them another $5,000. When Lily is done painting Barney, she quickly leaves with Marshall, and Barney complains that she didn't paint his genitals when they leave.

Continuity[]

  • Ted mentions having been promoted to head architect of the project in Atlantic City, which happened after he showed his design to the Spokane National Bank executives in Aldrin Justice.

Future References (Contains Spoilers)[]

  • In Sorry, Bro, Ted accuses Lily of only hating his college girlfriend Karen because she walked in on her painting Marshall nude and ogled him.
  • Lily explains, in Sorry, Bro, that she had to paint Marshall nude because he ate her bowl of fruit.
  • Hammond Druthers later becomes a "key player" at an architecture firm in Chicago, as revealed in Platonish, where a flashback shows him attempting to convince Ted to come work for him, which, as revealed in Something New, he eventually agrees to.

Gallery[]

For a listing of all images on the wiki tagged as being from this episode, see Category:Columns images

Memorable Quotes[]

Ted: Robin, I just had a great idea.
Robin: (trying to sleep) Do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up...

Barney: Oh my God!!
Ted: What?
Barney: Do you know about this?
Ted: No.
Robin: What is that?
Barney: Only the greatest thing ever! Shh, wait, wait, wait that's not enough build-up... If they were to cure cancer tomorrow, this would still be the greatest thing to happen all week. Ok, now you're ready... for Naked Marshall (Shows Marshall's naked painting).
Ted: Oh my God! This is awesome times awesome. It's awesome squared.
Barney: I know right, behind the piano this whole time.
Robin: Wait. If Marshall went to all this trouble to hide it he clearly doesn't want us to find it.
Barney: Oh, come on. Robin?
Robin: No! I'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this... We're gonna have so much fun!!

Barney: Hey, guys! Guess what I got? A new dart!
Robin: Oh wow, a new dart!
Ted: Hey, that new dart is great!
Robin: I did not know you were such a fan of "new dart", Barney!
Barney: Oh yes, Robin, I just love "nude art"...ā€nude art"...[after an awkward stare from Marshall] "nude art"! [laughs]
Marshall: You found the painting, didn't you?

Marshall: Where is it?
Barney: I'll tell you where it is if you answer these riddles three!
Marshall: You hung it up at the bar, didn't you?
Barney: Yo, why you gotta ruin my riddles?

Marshall: I know that Barney gave you that painting.
Carl: I don't know what you're talking about.
Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay you double.
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: Whatever he's paying you, I'll give you that plus ten bucks.
Carl: I doubt it.
Marshall: Alright, you know what Carl? You just lost yourself a regular customer.
Carl: I doubt it.

Barney: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me.

Ted: (after watching Marshall steal his nude painting from the bar) One of my worst fears just came true- I saw Marshall grab himself naked.

Lily: (about Marshall's nude painting) I knew this day would come.
Marshall: How did you know that?
Lily: Because I didn't hide it very well.

Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there's a second awesome gland. True story.

Lily: (trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand) I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney: I get that a lot.

Marshall: (loud) Lily, I can't let you go through with this! (quiet) I found a castle we can stay in, but it's an extra two grand. (loud) It's just not right! (quiet) It's beautiful and they say it's haunted! (loud) I can't let the woman I love compromise her values for money! (quiet) I totally think we can get some more money out of him.

Barney: (seeing his nude painting) A smooth area?! You gave me the Ken doll?! She left out Little Barney! Barnacle Jr...my Barnana is...Barnito Supreme....

Notes and Trivia[]

Goofs and Errors[]

  • During the scene in the office where Druthers and Ted are drinking together, the position of the liquor bottle changes and then changes back.
  • When Karen makes her appearance in the series, Ted says that Lily hates her because she (Karen) lingered while she (Lily) was painting Marshall. However, in this episode it appears as though Ted sees the painting for the first time. It's possible that Lily told Ted about Karen lingering sometime between this episode and Karen's appearance on the show.

Allusions and Outside References[]

  • Marshall tells Ted to ask himself Who's the Boss?, a reference to the 80s TV show. Barney is the only one who answers Mona.
  • Ted references the alternative rock band Foo Fighters during several flashbacks.
  • Marshall's concern about what Lily had to do to get the money, alludes to the 1993 movie Indecent Proposal.
  • In the Wesleyan scene where Lily proposes to Marshall about the nude painting, Marshall is seen playing Super Mario World on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.
  • In the scene where Ted finds out Druthers is sleeping at his office, they both drink from a bottle labelled "J. Buckley," a reference to the singer Jeff Buckley.

Music[]

Other Notes[]

  • Web-exclusive videos of Marshall and Lily's honeymoon depict their trip to Scotland[1].

Guests[]

Reception[]

  • Staci Krause of IGN gave the episode 7.7 out of 10.[2]
  • The St. Petersburg Comic Review gave this episode 7.5 stars out of 10. "The unveiling of 'Naked Marshall' and the disappearance of 'Barnacle Junior'."

References[]

External Links[]


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