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Barney's Blog: The Barney Stinson Bachelor Party Experience

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This is the fifty-first entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive here.

This entry is in response to the episode Bachelor Party.

The Barney Stinson Bachelor Party ExperienceEdit

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


The bachelor party was invented by a man who, having lost too many brethren to the scourge of matrimony, solemnly vowed to never let another friend march down the aisle without at least a minor stripper limp. As a humble student of history, it is not only in my interest to continue the tradition, but it is my duty to build upon it. Therefore, a Barney Stinson bachelor party isn't merely a party—it's an experience.

But regardless of the level of awesomeness I might reach, there always remains one constant: the guests. As you plan your own bachelor gatherings and prepare to send a friend off to a lifetime of weight gain and errands, be sure to reference this chart and familiarize yourself with some of the more common suspects you can expect at your bachelor party.


Type of Person Clothing Type of Drink Night Ends... Sample Quote
Cliché Guy A sweat suit featuring a college, fraternity, or sports team, and sadly, a tuft of chest hair. Beer (domestic) With several handprints across his face, seeking solace in the champagne room of a strip club. "What's the difference between a marriage and a nutcracker? Nothing!"
Vanishing Guy Doesn't matter what he started out wearing, it will end up tattered and/or stained. Wildcard: Won't know until you finally track down his credit card the next day. Either with a phone call from the police station or a message that says, "I'll meet you at the airport." "I think I'm in love."
Groom Loose slacks to hide the iron chains of marriage. Apple martini: Keeping in line with his poor decision making. Trying to convince himself that this is a good idea. "I'm making a huge mistake."
Future Groom Penny loafers, slacks, and an ugly sweater his fiancée knitted for him. Water: She doesn't like when he drinks Shamefully making kissy noises on the phone to his fiancée. "I'm gonna call it early, boys."
The Best Man A pin-striped, double breasted suit crafted from the finest in Italian fabric technology. Scotch A gentleman never tells… but probably having sex with multiple hotties. "You're welcome for being the best best man ever."


Notes and TriviaEdit

  • In Bachelor Party, Marshall has his own bachelor party, and Future Ted gives his own description as to the people who attend bachelor parties: Stuart, the guy who speaks only in cliches, Brad, the guy who disappears part way through the night (and reappears at the end), Marshall, the groom, Ted, the best man, and Barney. This list is very similar to Barney's list above.
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