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Barney's Blog: Shooting Women In A Barrel

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This is the fifth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive here.

This entry is in response to the episode Okay Awesome.

Shooting Women In A BarrelEdit

Thursday, October 13, 2005, 8:30pm


Lately I've been hunting for an appropriate venue to test my new club uniform: a button-down Euroshirt with a reflective disco ball sheen. Ridiculous under the halogen lights of your average apartment? Perhaps. But when bathed in the ultraviolet wash of your standard nightclub, the shirt emits a pheromonal luminescence no club-going woman can resist. Why? Biology lesson: Women, like fish, are attracted to shiny and/or effulgent objects. In fact, those of you with a keen eye have surely noted that women are becoming increasingly indistinguishable from fish, as illustrated in the following scientific observations:

TWENTY-FOUR WAYS IN WHICH WOMEN ARE LIKE FISH

  1. Both attracted to shiny objects
  2. More fun to catch while drinking
  3. Neither travel well
  4. There's others in the sea and/or bar
  5. Three words: catch and release
  6. Both travel in protective groups
    BlogFish01
  7. Small bladders
  8. The deeper you go, the scarier they get
  9. Their weight largely determines their value
  10. [EDITED: My lawyer has requested that I remove this one from the blog… hint: crabs!]
  11. They get all ornery if you try to grab their tail
  12. Bears will eat either of them
    BlogFish02
  13. Sometimes I likes 'em wild, sometimes I likes 'em farm-raised
  14. You must document great catches or no one will believe you -- video preferred
  15. Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first
  16. Seen the movie Splash? Case closed
  17. Cold blooded. Looking your way, Stacy.
    BlogFish03
  18. Neither can operate a vehicle
  19. They both eat things
  20. The harder they shake their tail, the further they'll go in life
  21. Scales are important to each of them
  22. They never have to buy drinks
  23. Umm… Eggs? Duh
  24. Can hook either with a great line
    BlogFish04

Notes and TriviaEdit

  • Barney mentions the first of these twenty-four similarities in the episode Okay Awesome.


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