This entry in response to the episode Say Cheese.
How To Take Perfect PicturesEdit
March 22, 2010
To make up for the crushing, yet inevitable loss of your beloved alma mater from the NCAA tournament (just be thankful you got to play, East Tennessee State), I thought I’d give you a gift in this week’s blog. Behold… the Perfect Picture. In today’s technologically-driven society, 83 percent of all layage is a direct result of the pictures you post on your social networking page.
“Okay, so how do I take the Perfect Picture,” you ask? Easy. Look at any picture of me.
“But Barney,” you’re saying, “I don’t look like you.” True, but maybe that’s because I’m not wearing a backwards trucker hat or standing shirtless next to a pimped-out Civic. You need help. Here it is.
How To Take Perfect Pictures
Step 1: Put on a suit. Just kidding. You’re already wearing one. Right? RIGHT?!
Step 2: Stand in front of a full-length mirror and practice your “perfect pose.” Things to focus on: angling your body in relation to the lens so you appear strong and sexual (think Barack Obama). Also, you’ll want to broaden your shoulders to appear extra manly (think Hillary Clinton).
Step 3: When you’re at a venue where cameras are common (parties, birthdays, a camera store), listen for clicks, beeps and servos, as these are the sounds of digital cameras snapping away. Try to ignore the camera bearer and her friends’ “amazing” stories about how smart their cats are and put yourself in prime position for a picture behind them.
Step 4: Watch for premature flashing (aloha!), as most cameras flash twice. After the first, you have between one and three seconds to transition into your perfect pose. Don’t dawdle.
Step 5: Review your photo. It should be perfect. If not, a few hours of Photoshop can fix anything (exception: Meg Ryan). Now, post your photo and get ready to post.
Notes and TriviaEdit
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