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Barney's Blog: Casting Couch

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This is the eighty-fifth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive Here.

This entry is in response to the episode The Stinsons.

Casting CouchEdit

March 2, 2009


"Whether you’re hiding from the IRS, working as a spy, or pretending you’re a married man to please your mother, every now and again you’ll find it necessary to create an alternate life. And while you can get alarmingly far with just a bogus social security number, a doctored passport, and a set of Groucho Marx glasses, eventually you’ll need to produce a human being to corroborate your story. That’s when you’ll need an actor.


Barneys blog the stinsons


“But Barney, actors are whiny and self-centered.” True, but they’re also

professional liars and –- as an added bonus –- very, very hot.


“How do I go about hiring these masters of deceit?” You’ll need to generate a character description and post it with a casting service or local newspaper. Before you complain about all that work, remember: You’ll be rewarded with hundreds of pictures of hot strangers sent right to your home...free.


Below are some notices I sent out recently when trying to cast a fake family so that my mother would love me. Enjoy!


CASTING CALL!


Role: BETTY STINSON. Fortuitous wife of Barney Stinson. Despite birthing a son has not lost her figure. In fact, might look better than she used to.


Project: “The Stinsons.” A living theater experiment in which we fool my mother into thinking I have a wife and son. Intermittent gigs over the next twenty years.


Director: Barney Stinson – the visionary web-cam auteur who brought you such raw classics as “Jessica: February 1st, 2009 -– Met at MacLaren’s Last Call” and “Tina: September 13, 2006 -– New Mail Room Girl at Work.”


Pay: Scale.


Seeking: Female, 18 – 29, energetic, extremely attractive. Like, at least a 9.


Skills:


  1. -- Hot -- like, at least a 9
  2. -- Must provide own swim suits, négligés...whatever “sexy outfits” a married women might have
  3. -- Willingness to perform own stunts
  4. -- Breathtaking breasts
  5. -- Willing to do anything for the scene
  6. -- Great in bed


Notes:

  1. -- May require nudity
  2. -- Great first-time role: I know, like, a ton of important Hollywood people


Please send headshots, resumes, and other pictures to Barneystinson@yahoo.com


CASTING CALL!


Role: TYLER STINSON. A young boy with the greatest father ever.


Project: “The Stinsons.” A living theater experiment in which we fool my mother into thinking I have a wife and son. Intermittent gigs over the next twenty years.


Director: Barney Stinson – the visionary cell-phone camera auteur who brought you the cell phone video classics “Ted Gets Hit in the Junk” and “Ted Gets Hit in the Junk 2: Revenge of the Stool.”


Pay: $50/day. Some meals.


Seeking: Male, can play 6 – 8 years old, preferably blonde and chiseled. Must have spectacular depth of facial expression, and an all around sense of awesomeness.


Skills:


  1. -- Familiar with the Stanislavski System of Acting
  2. -- Background in improv preferred
  3. -- Must be able to do your own makeup and hair and provide own wardrobe – welltailored suits a plus, or, barring that, something not off the rack
  4. -- Stage combat
  5. -- Willing to do anything for the scene
  6. -- Hot moms encouraged


Notes:

  1. -- Actors should come with a prepared monologue about how awesome their dad is
  2. -- Moms come dressed to move


Please send headshots and resumes to Barneystinson@yahoo.com

Notes and TriviaEdit

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Casting Couch
(all blog entries)
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The Greatest Story Ever Told

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