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Barney's Blog: Brocabulary Lesson

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This is the twentieth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive Here.

This entry is in response to the episode Zip, Zip, Zip.

Brocabulary LessonEdit

Tuesday, February 7, 2006, 2:35pm


Since the dawn of mankind, when dudes would hunt mammoth just to get away from the cave for a few hours, bros have been hanging out in chick-free, but totally awesome ways that are completely platonic and not gay at all. It's called "bro-ing out." It's akin to a "girls' night out," except that bros generally do not practice kissing and feeling each other's boobs. Bros bro-ing out are more likely to, say, patronize a fine burlesque where they can strap on a pair of bi-brocals and observe ladies engaging in just these activities.

Bro-ing out affords today's bro a welcome respite from having to rescue women from the shackles of their perpetually lusty throes. And, like many of life's more enjoyable diversions - wine, cigars, Chinese Checkers - it comes with a dialect all its own. So while the uninitiated loner may be confused by the broliferation of unfamiliar terms with which I describe my brown-up activities, the true brofessional will understand what I am bro-ing on about. And for those who don't quite get it, here's a chance to get in the bro.

(Oh, interesting fact: The bro who accompanied me on my personal bro-ings on about town this weekend? Actually a chick. A smoking hot chick. Unorthodox, but surprisingly enjoyable. And yes, I totally broned her.)

Encyclopedia Brotannica - Barney's Guide to Bronunciation

(Selected entries)

Brode
The bro code: A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him, just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare-pickle in front of her. SEE "QUID PRO BRO"

Bromosexual
A bro who's also a chick, and therefore bang-able.

Broner
Over-excitement for any bro-ing out activity. e.g. Ricky popped a broner when his friend rented out the local laser tag arena for his birthday.

Bronoculars
A safety device designed to counteract another bro's beer goggles. e.g. If it hadn't been for Sam's bronoculars, John would've totally tagged that ugmo.

The P-L-Bro

A group of bros occupying the same brocation as your own brommunity.

Bro-atia
1. A utopian bro-dom. 2. A strip club.

Brotorcycle
A motorcycle accommodating two or more gentlemen "on the bro."

BlogBrocabularyLesson

Notes and TriviaEdit

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Brocabulary Lesson
(all blog entries)
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When Should You Wear Jeans To A Strip Club... Never!

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