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Barney's Blog: Barney's Mail "Sack" 2

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This is the thirteenth entry of Barney's Blog, written by How I Met Your Mother main character Barney Stinson. It was retrieved from the CBS archive here.

This entry is unrelated to any episode.

Barney's Mail "Sack" 2Edit

Tuesday, December 7, 2005, 3:33pm


Barney,

My friends and I are in a debate about what kind of suit works best for reelin' in the ladies. I say a pin-striped, double-breasted three-piece suit is unbeatable, but my buddy says that an understated, basic black, four-button suit is key. Alas, my other friend says he gets the most chicks in his birthday suit. Being the Master of Suiting Up, could you please end this tiff?

Suitless in Saskatchewan

Dear Suitless,

It warms my heart to know a group of fine gentlemen like yourselves are having a meaningful, spirited debate over the single most critical issue facing America today: the suit. It was to protect just this sort of discourse that our Founding Fathers invented freedom. The suit is not just a fashion statement; it's a way of life. In that regard, really all suits are three-piece; beautiful fabric that adorns and protects not just the body, but the mind and the soul as well. Your excellent choice, the pinstriped, double-breasted three-piece, will raise many key questions with the sexies, e.g. who is this devilish rake? Whatever does he do? How can I possibly keep my clothes on standing next to such an impressive collection of woven threads and masculinity? Pinstripes are always a winner and usually a closer. On the other hand, your buddy's selection was no less breathtaking: the understated, basic black four-button. This classic didn't become the peanut butter and jelly of suits by accident. It's a time-tested sex magnet that instantly turns a donkey into a champion thoroughbred. So now, for today's moral: when choosing a suit, it's not the basic black or the pins that make the man, it's the tailoring. I've said it in this space before: Chicks love money. No matter what cut or cloth, your perfectly-tailored suit makes the statement that it is the most expensive suit it can possibly be. If you can get your tailor to sew fifty-dollar bills right into the lining, do it. Because if you do, I guarantee you'll end up in the most important suit of all: your birthday suit.

- The Barnacle


Notes and TriviaEdit

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Let's Close A Deal
Barney's Mail "Sack" 2
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A Term Is Conceived

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