|“As Fast As She Can”|
| First aired:|
May 11, 2009
Ted has an awkward run in with Stella and Tony, prompting Tony to apologize for "stealing" Stella by offering Ted a job. Meanwhile, Robin and Marshall recount times they talked their ways out of speeding tickets, after Barney fails to do so.
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Picking up from the previous episode, Ted turns to see Stella behind him at a crosswalk. She is quickly joined by her fiance (and father of her daughter), Tony. Ted says that it's a great surprise to see them, and later at MacLaren's, Barney and Marshall praise his cool. Later that evening, Tony shows up at The apartment, professing pity for Ted's condition, despite Ted denying any depression on his part. He explains that his family is rich, and he wants to make it up to Ted.
First he offers him a professor position at Columbia, which Ted turns down, as it is a last resort in the field of architecture. Then, Tony brings Ted to a rich friend's house for dinner to offer Ted a job designing a new home. When the host starts insisting that his "laundry" room be soundproof, lined with stain-proof ceramic tiles, and filled with hanging chains, Ted quickly realizes the man is proposing the design of a "murder room."
Eventually, Ted rejects Tony's help, claiming he's glad to be rid of Stella, who left him at the altar. The comment makes Tony reconsider his commitment to Stella, and he breaks off the engagement. Stella shows up at The apartment distraught, begging him to help her get Tony back. Ted refuses, claiming Stella hurt him and his ability to love.
Meanwhile, Barney complains about a speeding ticket he receives. Marshall brags about how he evaded a ticket back in Minnesota by enticing the officer with the offer of bratwurst at a BBQ. Barney takes this as a challenge, and vows to talk his way out of a ticket, and speeds every time he is driving. After a few failures, he continues complaining, and Robin tells the story of how she cried her way out of a ticket.
Finally, he encounters an attractive police officer. In the retelling of the story, Barney claims he promptly seduced the police woman, but he was actually arrested for numerous moving violations. Barney calls Ted (who is in the middle of his argument with Stella) from jail in Brazzaville, NJ, desperate to be bailed out (even though he is only in the cell with two teenage vandals). Stella offers to drive Ted to New Jersey, and the two bail Barney out and drive him back to the city. Before he exits the car, Ted admits that he is tired of searching for love, and hopes to find what she and Tony have. Stella tells Ted a story of how she once talked her way out of a speeding ticket. The cop pulled her over and walked up to her car and said "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." Stella looked up at him and said "I'm sorry, officer, I got here as fast as I could." When Ted asks if that really happened, she says no, it's just an old joke. Then she says that "the one" for Ted is coming "as fast as she can". Ted agrees to talk to Tony, and the couple get back together.
Future Ted then talks about how Stella established a new, successful dermatological practice on the West Coast, and Tony became a successful screenwriter, with a hit in May 2010 called "The Wedding Bride."
Finally, at the bar, Lily returns, admitting the offensive joke Barney told her four weeks ago was actually funny, but once he starts explaining a scheme involving amnesia patients, she promptly leaves again.
- When Barney calls Ted to bail him out of jail, his ringtone is "Let's Go To The Mall" by Robin Sparkles.
- While Robin has never received a moving violation, she has received several other tickets, as Marshall notes that "she's not great at parking legally" after he searches Robin's record in Slap Bet.
- In Mosbius Designs, Future Ted mentions that the gang would not see Lily for four weeks after Barney told her the dirtiest joke ever. Lily returns here, indeed four weeks later.
- Barney's panicked response to being arrested differs from his refusal to change his story when interrogated in Sweet Taste of Liberty.
Future References (Contains Spoilers)
- This is the first time Ted is offered a job teaching at Columbia University; he eventually decides to take it in The Leap.
- Tony's movie The Wedding Bride is released in The Wedding Bride, which indeed occurs in May 2010 as Future Ted mentions, and its poster, shown here, foreshadows it being about Ted and Stella's failed engagement seen in Shelter Island.
|Ted:||Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have - what I thought, for a second, you and me had; what I know Marshall and Lily have - I want that. I do.|
|Ted:||I keep waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen and I guess umm, I'm tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.|
|Stella:||You know I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket?|
|Stella:||I was heading upstate to my parents' doing like 90 on this country road and I got pulled over. So this cop, he gets out of his car and swaggers on over and says, "young lady, I've been waiting for you all day." So I looked up at him and said, "Sorry officer I got here as fast as I could."|
|Stella:||No. It was a joke.|
|Stella:||I know that you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more, but she's on her way Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.|
|Ted:||Good bye Stella.|
|Stella:||Good bye Ted.|
Notes and Trivia
Goofs and Errors
- When the female officer is approaching Barney's car she is seen wearing a tie, but when she gets to his window she has no tie on.
- Barney claims to be driving in New Jersey at the times of these tickets, however, the highway is known as the Clearview Expressway located in Queens, NY.
- In "Arrivederci, Fiero", Barney says that he never learned how to drive a car, and after a lesson with Ted, he vowed never to drive a vehicle again.
- When Ted walked out of the apartment to talk to Stella, he didn't bring anything with. They decided to leave unexpectedly after receiving a call from Barney to bail him out of jail. After this ordeal was over Ted returned to the apartment with his yellow umbrella.
Allusions and Outside References
- Careful - Michelle Featherstone
- As hard as she is trying to hide, it is now clear to the viewer that Alyson Hannigan is pregnant.
- The first ticket Barney receives is while he's driving south at Exit 6A (35th St) on the I-295 Clearview Expressway, near Marie Curie Park.
- Cobie Smulders is also visibly pregnant in this episode.
- Sarah Chalke - Stella Zinman
- Jason Jones - Tony Grafanello
- Renée Taylor - Mrs. Matsen
- Amir Talai - Richard Greenleaf
- Peter Breitmayer - Minnesota State Trooper Jorgensen
- Nicolai Dorian - Skateboarder
- Azita Ghanizada - Sexy Female Cop
- Ezra Buzzington - Highway Cop #1
- Ron Roggé - Highway Cop #2
- Joe Thornton Jr. - Highway Cop #3
- Sarah Chalke - Claudette the fantasy French girl that was basically Stella except she has enormous cans.
- Donna Bowman of The AV Club gave the episode an A- rating. She felt that "This was a funny, sweet episode with a couple of all-time classic moments. The half-grade reduction is only because the A and B stories weren't as well integrated as in the very best HIMYMs. A meaningful Barney-Robin moment would have gotten extra credit, as would a complicated flash-back-flash-forward sequence, but maybe we're saving up for the finale." 
- Michelle Zoromski of IGN gave the episode 7.6 out of 10. 
- Cindy McLennan of Television Without Pity gave the episode an A- rating. 
- The St. Petersburg Comic Review gave this episode 9.5 out of 10 stars. "...'a check so big...' that the Statue of Liberty needs a husband."
- As Fast As She Can at the English Wikipedia
- As Fast As She Can at the Internet Movie Database
- As Fast As She Can at TV.com
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